The Family Protector’s “Burning Problem” – Where to Start

No, this article is not about VD.  It’s about self-defense, and how the responsible person or persons in a family (Dad & Mom) go about keeping their family safe from violent threats.  Maybe you think you should further your protective skills, especially given the violent trends in this country.  Maybe you are completely new to the idea of self-defense, or maybe you’re an expert with a pistol.  One thing’s for sure though, if you have a family, you probably have similar hurdles that try and keep you from better protecting your family.


If you’re paying attention, you know there are people in the population bent on causing harm to others.  Maybe it’s a mentally unstable person that’s got ahold of a shotgun and is off their meds.  Maybe it’s a lone terrorist.  Maybe your house is the next target of a home invasion.  It’s not living in fear to acknowledge this fact, nor is it a fallacy that many of our public places have become asymmetric battlefields for violent criminals ready to prey on citizens.


If you’re similar to me, (and from talking to many folks every day I think there are), you want to give your family the best possible protection against violent threats that you can, whether you’re male or female.  This is the goal:  I want to be a proficient family protector given the hostile threats of today’s day and age.


TFP’s Burning Problem:


The family protector (the person responsible for protecting his or her family) has a more complex problem than just violent threats at large.  He or she has to provide security on an uneven battleground, acquire broad spectrum security training, and do this while maintaining a family budget and while maintaining a full time work position and family commitments.  Then there’s a million “expert instructors” on self-defense out there, with no doctrinal background, that quite honestly are going to get someone killed.  To add to this problem, the road map to getting to the point of being a proficient family protector can be pretty fuzzy if you weren’t already in the profession of protecting folks from violent individuals.  This is the problem, and it’s a complex one.  Where do you start “mom”?  What do you do first “pop”?


Let’s start by putting a name to the problem all of us family protectors face by sizing up the situation.  Sizing up the situation is the first rule of survival anyway isn’t it?


A Good Foundation


When it comes to knowing where to start with family protection training it’s important to know three things as your foundation:


  1. Being Balanced is Good: It’s important to balance your training and learning to protect your family across several skill sets.  For instance, having combatives training is great, but what if your loved ones need first aid after a mass casualty event?  In the same way, you could be the best marksman in a controlled safe shooting range, but what happens when you have to fight to your pistol and haven’t done any physical strength training or cardio work and end up stroking out while your family is left defenseless?


It’s much better to be proficient with broad-spectrum protective skill sets than a master of just one area of defense.  Combatives, Firearms, Fitness, Assertive Response, First-aid, Basic Intelligence, Survival, Leadership and Contingency Planning are just a few to name.  Sounds like a lot of work right?  Not if you have the right consulting help or training resource.


  1. Love the Basics: You don’t have to be a master at expert level self-defense techniques to protect your family, but you do have to be proficient with the basics concepts and techniques.  Mastery of the basics of any self-defense topic should be the goal.


There’s so many people out there putting a video out of some advanced martial art technique or pistol / carbine shooting position, but ya know what?  None of the advanced concepts ever replaces mastering the basics of ANYTHING in life.  And for someone who hasn’t mastered the basics of the subject?  Well it just gets their focus off of what will actually save them in a life and death situation to something they probably won’t remember in the heat of the moment. 


Can you take 5 or 6 combatives techniques and put down a violent threat with your bare hands?  That’s more realistic than becoming a black-belt if you aren’t already one or if you don’t have to time to devote to just one art.


(And there is nothing wrong with pursuing a black-belt, but remember what we’re talking about here – a dad and/or mom who needs a broad set of skills to protect his/her family –  not someone who’s looking to get into mastery of ground fighting.  Context is everything.  If you have the drive, time and money, go get that black-belt!) 


Mastering the basics is different than mastering expert level concepts and procedures which can take decades depending on the topic.  Simple is effective.  Simple has huge return on investment.  LOVE THE BASICS MAN!


  1. Establish Your “Why”: Why do you want to learn serious martial skills and threat avoidance & mitigation strategies and techniques?  Is it due to a need to feel like a bad-ass?  Or is it because you’re haunted by the thought of not taking reasonable efforts to keep your family out of harm’s way?  The reason you do what you do matters.


For example, I believe that I have a spiritual, cultural and familiar conviction to keep my loved ones safe.  This conviction is infused in my core and one of the areas I derive self-worth.  I don’t know that you can go deeper than that.  Whatever your “why” is, it’s got to be deep, and it’s got to be out of love for someone or something else, otherwise you’ll get bored and stop being a family protector.


Avoid Common Self-Defense Misconceptions:

Common misconceptions of self-defense discourage people from learning good security practices or they set them down the wrong path.  Don’t let myths like these examples hold you back:

Myth 1:  The common reason for not training self-defense  –  “you never know how you’ll react in a bad situation”.  The implication is that since one cannot know how they’ll react if a bad guy attacks them; it’s useless to train at all.  That’s utter BS.  Fortune favors the prepared individual.

Myth 2“I can hit a target at 3 yards and you’ll never use your sights in a gun fight.  I carry a gun so I don’t have to fight with my fists.  I carry a gun so I don’t have to be in shape, that’s for young dudes”.  Guys that spread these rumors are dangerous.  They can actually get people killed by pumping people with false information.  All of that is utter BS, which I get into in later blog articles and the membership portion of this site.

Myth 3:  The pseudo statistical excuse for not training to protect your loved ones – “The chances of running into ‘X’ threat are so slim . . .eh  I’ll take my chances”.  That’s along the same lines as someone who denies God’s real until their on their death bed.  You know that saying right? “There’s no atheist in a fox hole or on a death bed”.  There’s no one in a violent confrontation that survives saying, “hey, I wish I were less prepared for that”.  General statements made that sound like they’re based off of real statistics in regard to violent threats lull people into a false sense of security.  A good practice for handling folks that spout off statistics is to ask for a cite.  While I advise against living in fear, accepting that bad things happen to good people in good areas is a prudent mindset.


Don’t Self-Sabotage:

Don’t Do It! There’s too many folks that believe they could never become a proficient protector, skilled with a handgun, able to spot trouble before trouble spots them, ready to apply traumatic first-aid, fit enough not to be winded by a hand to hand altercation, and someone who knows how to plan ahead for realistic emergencies.  They think that’s a little too “Jason Bourne”.


Let’s Recap – “So where to start”?

Put a name to the things making it hard to be the family protector you’d like to be.  Maybe you’ve realized that there are some serious violent threats in this country and you know you’re under prepared.  Cool, you’ve hurdled something major that a lot of lib-tards don’t have the balls to attempt.

Maybe you want to train but you don’t know where or how to start.  Maybe you’re tight on cash or time.  Whatever it is, write it down.  Maybe we can help you figure things out.

Set a good mindset foundation.  Don’t get into the mindset that security is all about guns or all about fighting on the ground.  Security is just as much about pre-planning and avoidance as it is getting off the “X” and countering in an altercation.

Don’t let people’s repeated garbage myths about self-defense and handling bad people keep you from getting better.  Whether it’s here or someone else, don’t stop getting better at keep your most precious cargo (your family) safe.

And lastly don’t allow yourself to talk yourself out of training.  It matters.  You can live in fear (I hope you don’t); you can live without fear –  but that active shooter, that terrorist, that rapist, that meth-head invading your home, none of those guys care if you’re afraid or not, as long as they “get theirs”.  May you never meet a bad guy face to face.

If you do these things, that “burning problem” won’t seem so insurmountable.  You can effectively protect your family, even on the asymmetric battlefields some call public places, even if you have a day job, tight budget and little free time.  It takes dedication, but you can do it.

If you like what you see, consider subscribing to our mailing list.  This will automatically get you a spot with our free Virtual Training Center membership when it launches later this year.  We will also have in-depth material for family protectors on our Standard and Elite memberships as well.

Thanks for stopping by,

  • The Family Man